Caveman Campaign

There is a candidate on some state somewhere who is running for a seat in the House of Representatives. Here are his campaign promises:

1. I'll try to get us to the other end of the History of Man timeline you see in schools and libraries
2. I'll crack down on razor and shaving cream companies
3. Clubs made of wood or rock will be the new weapon of choice on the police force
4. The fire department WILL allow house fires to burn for heating or cooking purposes
5. In order to debunk the myth regarding our intelligence level, I vow to have a caveman enter college within the next 4 years
6. Animal skins will be back 'in'.
7. Canoes will replace yachts or any other kind of boat at all state parks and marinas
8. Neolithic will be a required foreign language through high school.
9. Botox will be available over the counter.
10. We will rebuild the land bridge across the Bering Sea.