Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Georgia Woman Tries to Help Endangered Plant

From the AP:

The rare and endangered dwarf sumac has found a potential savior in Newton County. About 40 of the shrubs, which are on both the federal and state endangered species lists, are now growing in eastern Newton County under the care of Elaine Nash.

Half of the known populations of the plant, technically called Rhus michauxii, have died during the last century, according to the Center for Plant Conservation, a national group that seeks to prevent the extinction of endangered native plants.

Nash told The Newton Citizen that dwarf sumac once grew naturally in Newton County, but at some point the plants died off.

The Nature Conservancy of Georgia gathered some sumac from a South Carolina nursery and replanted it in Newton County. Nash was appointed as a "botanical guardian" through the Georgia Plant Conservation Alliance, which pairs botanical gardeners with endangered species that need help surviving. Nash keeps the location of the dwarf sumac site a closely held secret.

Another small cluster of dwarf sumac grows in Elbert County, roughly 90 miles away. A few also grow at the Atlanta Botanical Garden.

Nash spends her time and money making sure the shrub is well-tended, but she's got a difficult task. That's because the species deos not reproduce easily.

To further complicate matters, only the females of the species are located in Newton.

That means the shrub isn't being pollinated at all right now.

Not that Nash hasn't tried.

She attempted to help things along by performing a sort of artificial insemination with frozen pollen taken from the male plants at the Botanical Garden.

First, she tried to dab the pollen on the sumac using a small paintbrush, but that didn't work well.

"I was like a big clumsy giant trying to do something that flies do better ... The flower is probably maybe 1/8 of an inch to 1/4 of an inch across, and it's hard to even see without a magnifying glass. I was having to do it hit or miss like that," Nash said.

So instead she dabbed the pollen on insects so they could do the work, but that also failed.

Transplanting the males could be a problem at this point, because it might disturb the shrubs' germ plasm, or DNA, Nash said. The plants need to be propagated until the population can withstand the removal of a few males, she said.

"We hope to get seeds to make sure we get what genetic diversity is there and keep it viable," she said.

Once the males and females are commingled, there will still be a serious problem: The males tend to bloom earlier than females, making it more difficult for reproduction to occur. So why is this shrub so much trouble to keep alive?

"Rare plants are rare because they've got strange habits," Nash said.

Private Nostril

click here to listen to the audiochetan of this post's title

You hear all this news about celebrities, regular people, husbands and wives all hiring private eyes. I'd like to be the guy who develops the photos for these people. Wouldn't that be an interesting job? Family vacation, trip to the zoo, oh wait a minute here...six straight shots of a woman wearing Jackie O sunglasses approaching and then getting into a car...hmm I think we may have something here boss. What? Sure, we'll have this ready for you in an hour, be sure to try our drive through window!

Why are they called private eyes? It's not like they're just looking and then going home. They're sniffing around, looking for dirt, trying to find something that smells funny. They should be called private nostrils. And let's all admit it, nostrils are never really as clean as they appear on the outside, are they?

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Copyright 2006 by Chetan Davé All Rights Reserved.

Bad Movie

click here to listen to the audiochetan for the post's title

At the point of regret, there's no going back
You paid for a bad movie
And that's a fact
No wonder the place is half empty

Can't leave the theater now
You'll subject yourself to the suffering
To justify your ticket purchase somehow
You sit through the bad acting

So what if there are long unexplained scenes?
Silent shots of houses on a residential street
The audience having no idea what anything means
Where the characters are robotic drones who never meet?

But you'll sit there
Because you bought a ticket
And though you don't care
Sitting the full time will make it worth it

But you know it won't, it's that funny
You'll just have an excuse in hand
To not spend any more money
Cause time's up and you have to head home again

And then the morning after reviews to friends
"I personally didn't like it."
"Not good how it ends."
Shouldn't have listened to the film critic

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Pickup at the Gym

Click here to hear the audiochetan of this post's title

Here is a list of failed pickup lines at the gym:

1. So, do you work out?
2. Why don't you tell those dumbells to get lost and come with me?
3. Does that treadmill belt need replacing? 'Cause you been runnin' through my mind all day.
4. Can I buy you an energy drink?
5. Pffft, Nautilus. You can't fit a submarine in a pool this small. Hiya doin'?
6. Well, I'm spearheading a plan to bring exercise videos into movie theaters.
7. I benched 300 last month...cumulatively.
8. Do they have those automatic sensor faucets in your bathroom too?
9. That mirror really makes you look thin!
10. I've got an extra stash of gym towels back at my place.

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Copyright 2006 by Chetan Davé All Rights Reserved.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Centennial Schmentennial

Click here for the audiochetan of this post's title

This being the 100th entry on this blog, I would like to take the time to thank everyone who's participated and those in the future who will participate (all 2 of you...OK end self deprecating sarcasm). In the spirit of looking forward, I would like to introduce a new feature for the blog. I like to call it the audiochetan. If you click on one of the audiochetan links or certain words within the text of the blog entry (for example the word "thank" above), you'll see what I mean. The audiochetan announces the blog title or the title of the post. I'm also placing links on certain words so you can click on them to hear an audiochetan. Hopefully, this idea will serve to enhance your blogging experience. So young and old, come on down to old Chetan's blog and you'll leave with a smile on your face every time. Well, maybe not every time, but most of the time. Some of the time? OK I'm not guaranteeing any smiles, but I hope it's semi-entertaining for you. Cheers!

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Friday, April 14, 2006

It's a Sneeze

I like to see
Different people
And how they sneeze
Strong or feeble

There is the 'I'll blow your house down' sneeze
When the three chins vibrate like sharks' gills
And the person's head prepares for launch into the trees
It scares listeners and elicits chills

Then there's the sneeze that sounds like a cough
You're not sure whether to say bless you
Or call the greeting off
Is the person faking or sneezing true?

Also we have the multiple sneeze
You know, 2 or 3 in rapid succession
Sounds like an animal suffering, make it stop please
Stay out of this sneezer's direction

That's just a few
There are many varieties
It's a function given to me and you
That seems unnecessary

So how do you sneeze?

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Copyright 2006 by Chetan Davé All Rights Reserved.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

What's Your Gnarly Gnowhow ?

Here is a list of terms used to describe something good that were way popular in the eighties but you just don't hear them anymore...but I wish I did. I'll have to start using them again and hope it spreads. What's the worst that can happen? I'll be labeled a wannabe surfer dude and be given a cardigan/white turtleneck combo to wear. I suppose I'll have to supply my own gold chain though...

1. gnarly
2. decent
3. totally tubular
4. cool beans
5. good deal, good deal
6. rad
7. far out
8. schaweeeet (for sweet)
9. dynamite
10. excellent!

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Copyright 2006 by Chetan Davé All Rights Reserved.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Somebody, Kelp!

The day I tried scuba diving
The sky was gray
Above the marine life thriving
I wondered why I had picked today

Diving in backwards was no fun
'That's what gestation must feel like', I thought
Being upside down in a watery medium
Unable to escape no matter how hard I fought

All the nervous writhing didn't help
My instructor gave me the 'calm down' signal
Always had nightmares of dying caught up in kelp
At least I would have something to eat while drowning dismal

Seaweed salad with added salt
Any pick of fish to and fro
As your brain comes to a halt
What a way to go

Hey there's nothing beneath me
A sea monster could come up and snatch me whole
But the anxiety gives way to a sudden peace
The freedom of being totally without control

At the mercy of the muted sea
No verbal nagging to worry about
Immersed in the sleeping giant looking for me
A place where thankfully no one can shout

I wish the mouthpiece tasted better
A set of blends I can list
Like grape cotton candy flavor
Instead of an instrument at the undersea dentist

Would be nice to have my eyeballs stop jumping out of their sockets
Wonder what colors they are turning
Pulled by the suction with the power of rockets
Which is what probably keeps my webbed legs churning

Time to go and my return is unscheduled
But I can cross it off the perverbial list
From which new experiences are fueled
I lived and am better for it.

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Copyright 2006 by Chetan Davé All Rights Reserved.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Cloud Surrounding Mushrooms

It seems people are really split on whether or not they like to eat mushrooms. Some view it as a delicious ingredient to their food, others equate it to eating fungus (eeeeew). One old myth has mushrooms growing as a result of animal excrement hitting the soil (no pun intended). They must have a good agent because they show up on a lot of menus I've encountered. One way to look at it is, people have been eating mushrooms since I don't know when and it's still around as an edible component today so, unless there's a news bulletin about the detriments of eating mushrooms, long live the brown misshapen fungal delicacy.

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Sunday, April 02, 2006

What Time Is It?

fall back
spring ahead
there's a lack
of consistency which aches my head

some countries do it
others don't
do they not have savings of daylight?
or they just decide they won't?

what if I don't want to comply?
half the nation on board
half left wondering why
why we don't want to change the clocks

an hour here
an hour there
no need to fear
no need to care

it should be added to the Bill of Rights
Freedom of setting clocks
no reason to fight
you abide by the time you want

so I'll see you at 2, or 3 or 4
Depending on your watch it may be even more
As long as it's daylight where we are
We'll meet up sometime today near or far